... About Starting a Blog

The other day I mentioned something about blogs to Chelsey. "You should write a blog!" she said. I laughed it off, but then in church blogs were mentioned again. Twice. Both times she gave me a meaningful glance. Then, once again, on the way home, Chelsey insisted that I start blogging.

One problem, Chels. I have nothing important to say.

"So what?" was her clever retort. "I could totally see you writing a blog about everyday life."

I took that as a challenge. And as you know (or perhaps you don't), I never back down from a challenge. Unless it's something extremely dangerous that could result in the death of myself or those around me. Or if it involves eating something that is considered a "delicacy" in a third-world country. Or if it's something I really just don't feel like doing.

So, this is it. My first post. I will never again have a very first post in my blog, so I should make this one something special. Here I go. I hope you're bracing yourself, because you're about to be blown away. Strap yourself down, Sonny, we're heading into the greatest blog in the history of mankind! Are you ready? Are you sure? Here we go:

... About Bacon

This morning when I woke up my house reeked of bacon. And I mean reeked. The air was thick with it. My eyes literally started watering, and I could feel the grease permeating my lungs as I breathed. I felt woozy.

It's all part of my dad's current diet. Every now and then he decides it would be a grand idea to consume as much meat in as short a time period as humanly possible. Our fridge is full of more animal by-product than any one fridge has ever intended to hold. Sausages, ham, roast beef, rib-eyes, t-bones... If our fridge could talk, it would say "moo."

There you go. Whew! I almost can't believe I'm getting away with this. I can say absolutely anything I want. Blogs are amazing! They're like the love children of the First Amendment and the Internet.

In gratitude for your readership, I pledge to bring continued excellence to my blog. I want every entry I write to have the same level of emotional, social, and physiological impact as this, my first entry. I promise that every time you visit this blog, Reader (oooh, I like that. May I call you "Reader" from now on? Of course I can, it's my blog! bwahahaha!), you will be treated to a thought-provoking entry. Each will be something special. Something profound. Something bold. Something that will make you sit up and say, "Hey, this girl's got balls."

Just wrap some bacon around those and you've got yourself a delicacy in a third-world country.