... About Baby Steps

Reader, I'm quite proud of myself.  You should be, too.  Last night, I voluntarily introduced myself to and carried on conversations with perfect strangers.  Reader, I even danced.  When other people could see me.  And not in an, "Oh, crap, I left my blinds open and people could totally see me dancing!" type of way.  In a "social" type of way.

I know, it's a lot to digest.  Take a moment.  Breathe.

In.  Out.  In.  Out.

Okay, you doing okay now, Reader?  I imagine you're feeling pretty disorientated, so allow me to explain.  As you may be aware, yesterday was Valentine's Day.  This is a holiday designed to remind people in relationships to be more open and verbal about their feelings for their loved ones.  It also makes single people feel like losers.  In light of this, my friend Ryan decided to throw a "There's Nothing Wrong With Being a Cat Lady" Anti-Valentine's Day party, and invited me to come.

I agreed to attend.  Even though I was fully aware that Ryan was the only person I would know.  Because I was determined, Reader, to make myself meet new people, even though the idea of it makes my insides feel like I've had a large helping of week-old Frank LanJell-O Salad.  I get so nervous talking to people I don't know.  I feel anxious if the cashier at the grocery store strikes up a conversation.  Once, years ago, I went out dancing with a group of friends.  While the rest of my group met, mingled, and danced with the others there, I had what I can only describe as a panic attack and hid in a box for half an hour.

Literally.  I found a box and hid inside until I stopped shaking.

I don't know exactly when this aversion to social interaction started.  I've never been very good at making friends, and it takes me a very long time to warm up to (most) people.  But, I've come to realize that the older I get, the more I just plain don't like people.  And that's not the kind of person I want to be.  I want to like people.  Or, at the very least, I want to be able to tolerate people that are worth tolerating.  Or that can hook me up with cool merchandise of some sort.  Like DVDs or electronics.  Yeah, those are the kind of people I'd love to tolerate.

So when Ryan told me about his party and asked me to come, I put it on a metaphorical scale.  On the one hand, I'd have to spend time meeting and socializing with people, which terrifies me.  On the other hand, if I didn't attend, I really wouldn't have room to complain about not knowing a lot of people.  And complaining about not knowing  a lot of people fills up a good portion of my social calendar.

I knew that there was no way I was going to meet new people and make new friends without.... meeting new people and making new friends.  So I cowboyed up and went to the party.  And you know what, Reader?  I surprised myself by how much fun I had.  I don't know that any of the people that I met will be my BFFFs, but I learned a few names and shared a few laughs.  And I'm pretty proud of myself for that.

Maybe next Valentine's Day I'll have someone really special to share it with.  Like, someone that can help me get my hands on free tickets.  Hey, if you have stuff I want and are willing to share, I'll totally tolerate you.  Just don't expect me to dance.