... About Things I Never Needed to Know

Reader, I'm a fan of the Food Network.  It's just one of the many ways my nerdiness chooses to manifest itself.

But it's nice to know that I'm not alone.  I've turned Bailey onto the show "Food Network Challenge," which is a food art competition show.  They make these crazy amazing cakes, or sugar sculptures, or chocolate pieces, and it just blows my mind.  And now Bailey likes watching it with me, and has even started trying to get other people interested by telling them how AMAZING some of these food sculptors are.

But you know what I can do without?  Learning how they make pork rinds.

*shudder*

I mean, seriously, Reader.  If you want to have nightmares for a month, just ask Dr Google to show you the liquified meat mixture they pump into Vienna sausage casings.  It makes my stomach churn more than the knowledge that someone actually chose to greenlight "Space Buddies."  And you know me.  I love knowing things.

Why, Food Network, why?  I want you to show me how they put the delicious chocolate core into Drumsticks, and I find it fascinating how different shapes of pasta are designed to hold sauce in different ways for different dishes.  But there are some ugly, ugly things in the world that I absolutely do not need to know.  Like that natural red food coloring is made from mashed up beetles.

Ew.

I don't want to know stuff like that.  Call me naive, but I'm a firm believer that I should be able to go through this life without ever having to learn things I don't want to know.  Like advanced mathematics, or how that zit Satan popped magically transformed into Senator Chris Buttars.  Ignorance is bliss, Reader.  If it's good enough for Stephen Colbert, it's good enough for me.

You know what, Food Network?  It's a good thing you still have enough fascinating programs to keep me coming back, despite your unnecessary tidbits about making Gogurt and such.  But if you show me that liquid meat again, I'm going to have to do something drastic.

What exactly do I mean by that?  Trust me, you don't want to know.