In my country, there should be some kind of a device at movie theaters that deactivates your phone as soon as you walk in. Hear, hear!
In my country, there should be a way to inflict physical harm upon people who send you all those stupid Facebook application invites. Hear, hear!
In my country, there should be no John Madden. Hear, hear!
In my country, radio stations should not be permitted to repeat a song within an 8 hour period. Hear, hear!
So, Reader, as I was drafting these laws into my country's Constitution I began thinking about some of the political goings-on in my own neck of the woods. I'll be the first to admit, I don't keep up with local politics the way I should, mostly because I have little to no tolerance for local broadcast news and I'm too lazy to read the local newspaper.
But I do know a douchebag when I see one, and I do know that while certain douchebags may be perfectly within their rights of free speech, their ignorance and maliciousness prove that they are not fit to hold public office. So I stopped by Buttars-Palooza at the state capitol building this past weekend to demonstrate my lack of support for The Worst Person in the World.
While there, I made another decision about my country. All public political demonstrations will be required to have the following: really good music, a homeless guy pretending to be a statue, and a solar-powered amp that looks like a junkyard spaceship:
You know, Reader, as much as I'd like to think that no one in my country would be like Soon-To-Be-Former State Senator Chris Buttars, I know that's not realistic. Statistically, some will slip through the rigid screening process somehow and gain access to my idyllic nation. But I can continue to hope that my country will have a bunch of living statues and people with solar powered spaceship amps that will show up and demonstrate their contempt for bigotry and hatred.
God Bless America. Even though it's home to people like Chris Buttars.
6 comments:
Do you know much about Chaffetz?
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report
-videos/215453/january-08-2009/leg-wrestling-rematch
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/217896/february-04-2009/exclusive---utah-s-3rd
Try this one, too:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/215400/january-06-2009/better-know-a-district---utah-s-3rd---jason-chaffetz
I'm sure you've probably seen these.
Yes, of course I know Chaffetz and his patheticly weak chicken straws he calls legs.
BTW, I couldn't log on to your blog today, Ry. All the sudden it decided that I should be denied access. :( I got to it a few days ago, did you remove me from your safe list?
I thought about going to Buttars-Palooza but ended up going to Studio 600 instead, which ended up just being a meeting between the Jets and the Sharks.
The Capitol would have been better methinks.
Well I have a space ship that looks like a regular guitar amp....
Dammit, Self, don't drink and comment.
You went to Studio 600 at two in the afternoon?
Huh.
At least you got a nicely choreographed switchblade fight out of it, right?
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