Heyyyy, Reader. How you doin'? I've been neglecting my blog lately, so I was browsing my past entries for inspiration and made an observation. All my blogs seem to be lacking ... something ... a je ne sais quois ... something that is uniquely me. I couldn't figure it out, and it was driving me insane. I get very emotional about my blog, you know. Explosively so. But I knew that if I thought long and hard enough, it would come to me. The truth is out there. Then suddenly, schwing! It hit me. A catch phrase! Yeah, that's the ticket! I need a catch phrase!
I know what you're thinking, Reader. "Whatchoo talkin' bout, Kristen?" (by the way, little segue here - did you hear that Gary Coleman got married to some chick he met while filming Church Ball? Well, isn't that special? No one is immune to the Utah Marriage Standard! Aaaaaand... back to the blog.) "You don't need a catch phrase! Baby, you're the greatest." Well, here's what I have to say to that: Reader, you ignorant slut. You eeediot! Of course I need a catch phrase. How else will I set myself apart from the rest of the blogging community? I pity the fool who is immortalized with poorly-chosen, ambiguously unspecified words. I mean, one minute I'd be a well-respected blogger, but then a few keen observers notice that I don't have a catch phrase, and yada yada yada, I'm outcast to the furthest outreaches of the blogdom alongside the people who update daily about their cats' bowel movements. Homey don't play that.
So now to come up with a catch phrase. Good grief. Just think of the possibilities! If it takes the rest of my natural life, I will find my perfect catch phrase.
I know what you're thinking, Reader. And you're wrong. This isn't a worthless venture. Don't make me angry... You don't want to see me when I'm angry. One false move and this whole blog could blow. And if you don't like it, then up your nose with a rubber hose!
*BAM!*
D'oh! Did I do that? Well, Mom always said, don't play blog in the house.
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