... About Losing My Faith in Humanity

I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a proprieter of msn.com. Angela set it as the homepage on my work computer, and I never changed it. There's some interesting and informative information to be found. For example, today I learned that March 4 is National Grammar Day! Hooray! It's also the only date that is a complete sentence. See what wonderful things the internet has to offer? Brilliant. However, today on msn.com I found something blatantly un-brilliant, something altogether disturbing - nay, alarming. One of the features of the website is a short list of 'popular searches'. Today's list comprised of: As the World Turns, the Iditarod, and Jimmy Buffett.

... Really?

This is what people are searching for? No joke, unless any of those search terms takes me to an article about how Jimmy Buffett got blissfully stoned at the Iditarod and managed to mush a toboggan right over the top of Helen Wagner as she and the rest of the ATWT crew were on location shooting a scene where she revealed to Don Hastings that she is actually...*dramatic pause*... his father (dun dun dun!), then none of these things should EVER be at the top of the most popular search list.

So this fully traumatic event got me thinking. What's happening to our sense of culture? When did it become passé to demonstrate a sense of refinement and dignity? Whatever happened to class? Let's face it, Reader. We live in a world where people are doing internet searches on Jimmy Buffett. As unpleasant as that may be, don't we all have a responsibility, as members of the human race, to do something about it?

I know, Reader! I'll do something about it! If some random organization can arbitrarily decide that March 4 is National Grammar Day, what's stopping me from declaring my own national holiday? If Frank Costanza can do it, so can I!

I officially declare April 12, 2008 to be the first annual National Keep It Classy Day. Think of it, Reader! An entire day devoted to higher culture, to art and music and literature created by people who have never been featured on TMZ! We'll immerse ourselves in nothing but class for an entire day. No trashy gossip magazines, no lewd music or TV shows, no mind-numbing books. Spread the word! Just think, Reader, of how much better the country would be, even for just a day, if we left all the trash alone and focused on bettering ourselves, just a little bit.

And when it's all over, we can have frozen margaritas.