... About My Fool-Proof Investment Strategy

Reader, I have a wee conundrum. A plight, really.

*sigh*

The thing is, Reader, there probably isn't anything any of you can do about it. Almost everyone that reads this blog is either married, in a different state, in junior high, my mother, or some combination of these. And that, in fact, is part of the problem - I simply do not know many local single young adults, least of all many local single young adults who would be interested in taking me up on a very lucrative investment offer.

Yes, an investment. I have a grand idea, a revolutionary idea, one that will change the very world as we know it, and I'm looking for an investor. Hence my plight. It's rarely a good idea to go into business with a friend or with family, especially when you're essentially asking them for financial backing. It can be a bit... awkward... But, the thing is, I have to be very picky about who I ask to be my new business partner. It has to be someone I can trust, someone I can work well with - in fact, I have a long list of responsibilities they would have to be willing to fulfill. This scheme of mine will only work if I can find a suitable partner. Someone who is willing to take a risk, and understands that the greater that risk the greater the potential for... well... greaterness.

I know what you're thinking, Reader. My last grand idea ended with a broken collarbone, a dead meerkat, and the second-most disgusting fluid that has ever been in your eye. But this one will be different, I swear. I've thought it all out. Here's my plan:

I move into a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment. My investor will provide support for 50% of my cost of living expenses (rent, utilities, etc.). As an immediate return on the investment, and as a show of good faith, I will provide one of the bedrooms and bathrooms for my investor's private use, as well as opportunities to use the living room and kitchen areas on a case-by-case basis. We can negotiate a cap on these "perks" at time of signing. As part of the long-term investment benefit structure, the investor will be permitted to act as a (silent) partner on the future direction of the plan; i.e., the investor will be allowed to participate in a vote determining whether or not a certain rice-paper lamp really goes with the rest of the living room furniture, or whether this week's Monday Movie Night should show Finding Neverland or reruns of Arrested Development, etc.

So, you see, Reader? I've done my research on this. My plan is sound. There are still a few kinks to work out, but for the most part all I need to do is find my elusive investor. So if any of you have been looking for just such an opportunity, and are willing to get divorced or take an aging potion (or both?), let me know. Have your people call my people.