... About Love Songs

I have a confession to make, Reader. I have to tell you something that will probably shock you. This might be hard for you to hear, so I suggest you sit down. Or, as you are likely already sitting at your desk since you are reading this via the interweb, I suggest you lie down on the floor with a cold compress handy and ask someone with a strong constitution to come in and read it out loud to you.

I'll wait while you properly situate yourself.

Okay, Reader, here goes. My confession. It's really hard for me to admit this, but I feel like we have built a circle of trust over the last few months of this blogging relationship, and I owe it to you to be honest. I owe it to myself to be honest. Okay, deep breath. I would like to confess...

... I'm cynical.

Reader? Reader?! Are you still with me? Should I send someone to fetch the smelling salts?

Now, I know that was difficult to digest, but please, Reader, give me a chance to explain. After all we've been through together, don't you think you owe me at least that?

I've always suspected that I might be cynical, but I had an epitome today and can now conclusively call myself a cynic. It was one of those life-altering moments, and it came about by doing something I've done many times before. It's just that suddenly, I realized what doing it meant. Here's what happened: this morning on my way to work I was changing CDs and thought OK Go would be a brilliant follow-up to yesterday's dose of Eels. After listening to a couple of songs I decided to skip forward so I could listen to track 10 before I got to work. That's because track 10, titled "Crash the Party", is one of my top-ten favorite love songs ever. See?

If you're unfamiliar with the song, you probably don't understand why that is a shining example of my cynicism. So allow me to clarify by posting some of the lyrics:

You're not the prettiest girl in town.
I'm not the only boy with solid clothes and a solemn frown.
So to hell with Valentines, to hell with perfume,
To hell with chocolates, and picnics, and Sinatra tunes.
'Cause while the rest of the girls are drowning in roses and songs he composes,
And while the rest of the guys are all trying,
Trying so hard,
Oh girl! Let's crash the party!

I love a love song that openly rejects the traditional love song values I grew up with! A song that basically says, "Screw you, romance." One of the later lines is, "I never took much stock in...all that useless jewelry." Holy shunt, it's like they took the words right out of my mouth.

I know what you're thinking, Reader. This could be a fluke. Except that my other favorite love songs are all anti-romance, too. In fact, some of my favorite love songs are anti-love! At least the modern ones are. Nowadays it seems like the only options for love songs are sad love songs and the mushy-romantic-I-can't-live-if-living-is-without-you type songs. And I despise the mushy-romantic-I-can't-live-if-living-is-without-you type songs. I guess you can say I'm just not a big fan of cheese and whine. So I pick the sad songs. Because, after all, a sad song says so much (thanks, Sir Elton!).

I'm the same way with movies - I loathe "romantic" movies where the leading man sends the leading lady a roomful of flowers and diamond-encrusted puppies in a basket that have been trained to bark "Beautiful In My Eyes". Sheesh, Reader. If a guy ever did that to me I would probably either pass out from laughing or take out a restraining order.

So go ahead, Reader. Call me cynical, because I think the whole concept of romance as it's thrust upon us in all Celine Dion songs is pathetic and stupid. I guess I'll just have to live with that.

Now get up off the floor and come read these sad love song lyrics I've put together for you:

The trick of love is to never let it find you,
It's easy to get over missing out...
It's probably best I stay in Indiana
Just dreaming of the world as it should be,
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.
~ Jon McLaughlin, "Indiana"

You have broken me all the way down.

You'll be the last, you'll see.

What chance have we got,

When you missed every shot for me?

In the morning, when you're turning,

I'll be out of reach.

And in the darkness, when you find this,

I'll be far to sea.

~ Glen Hansard, "All the Way Down"

Who am I to say this situation isn't great,

When it's my job to make the most of it...

If all along the fault is up for grabs, why can't you have it?

If it's for sale, what is your offer?

I will sell it for no less than what I bought it for.

Pay no more than absolutely zero.

~ Jason Mraz, "Absolutely Zero"

You said some things to me that
I have had trouble forgetting about.
There ain't no sense in holding
Grudges forever, that's the simple way out.
We may not be so close now...
~ Ari Hest, "I Forgive You"

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting

Because I'm not who I used to be...

'Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides,

Like brothers on a hotel bed.

~ Death Cab for Cutie, "Brothers on a Hotel Bed"

Well I've been thinking about the future.

I'm too young to pretend it's such a waste

To always look behind you.

You should be looking straight ahead.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on

Before we meet again.

Yeah, it's hard.

~ Jet, "Move On"