... About Courtesy

One of the fun things about my job is that I get to answer the phones. Yippee! There's nothing better than being constantly interrupted by people I don't want to talk to. Usually, it's just a matter of transferring the phone call to somebody else, or looking up some account information, or something equally mundane. Occasionally you get someone who isn't sure why they're calling, or who they want to speak to, or what they need help with, and are generally unwilling to help me help them figure it out. Or, they know exactly what they want, but don't realize that I am unable to read their minds and further explanation would be helpful. Like the conversation I had yesterday:

Me: Good morning, Hy-Ko.
Guy: Hi, do you have showering stuff?
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Do we have what?
Guy: Showering stuff.
Me: ...(long pause)... In what context?
Guy: Showering stuff. You know, it gets rid of hard-water stains.
Me: Oh. Um, no.

Then there are the chatters. These are usually people who I imagine would talk to a wall if it gave the slightest indication it was listening - i.e., it didn't run away. Most of them are fairly benign, but occasionally I get a crazy. For example, one day a few months ago I sat and listened for a good ten minutes while a lady told me she that she was allergic to her plastic dental work, and it had melted into her skull and was now oozing out of her hair.

Right.

Now, Reader, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes the most memorable phone conversations I have with complete strangers are my own fault, and not that of the person calling in. Like this little gem from last week:

Me: Good morning, Hy-Ko.
Guy: ...(long pause)... What?
Me: This is Kristen at Hy-Ko, can I help you?
Guy: Did you just say 'good morning'?
Me: ...(long pause)... Maybe.
Guy: It's, like, four o'clock in the afternoon.
Me: Sorry, force of habit.
Guy: That's okay, it just threw me off. Good afternoon.
Me: Good afternoon.
Guy: ...(long pause)... (laughs)

You know, Reader, of all the random people that I have to talk to on the phone every day, there is one type that really gets my goat. They're the worst. Seriously. I'd like to find a way to lure all these people into the same place at the same time and drop some Napalm. Lots of Napalm.

I'm talking, of course, about people who think they're funny.

No, not people who think they're funny and are actually funny. Those people are A-OK in my book. I mean the people who think they're funny and are very, very, very incorrect in that assumption. Like the dozens of people every day who are convinced that they are the first person to ever come up with the oh-so-clever joke to call me 'Hy-Ko' as if it's my name ("Good morning, Hy-Ko, can I speak to Ron?"). Guess what? You're not the first. And that guy who WAS the first? He wasn't funny, either.

Bailey has just IM'd me a great example of one of these characters:

Bailey: HKS, this is Melissa, how can I help you?
Guy: Can I talk to Russ?
Bailey: He's in a meeting right now, would you like his voicemail?
Guy: Go tell him the most important guy he's ever going to talk to is on the line.
Bailey: ...Okay...
Guy: No, I'm just kidding.
Bailey: Ha...ha.
Guy: I'm really not that important.

Yeah, I could have told you that, buddy.

Seriously, what is wrong with these people? And it's not just people I talk to on the phone at work, either. They're everywhere! It seems like I'm constantly coming in contact with people who think they're funny.

You know what the worst part is, Reader? It puts people like me in a tight spot. I mean, I have to offer a courtesy laugh or else I'm just being rude, right? But by laughing at these not-funny people, I'm encouraging this type of asinine behavior. And doesn't that really hurt them in the long run?

Is it better for me to be discourteous now in order to save them from the humiliation of being 'that guy' for the rest of their natural existence? Or should I give them a courtesy laugh and hope that someday a close friend will sit them down and gently say, "Dude, you're not funny. Seriously. Stop trying," before it's too late? Do I have a responsibility to these people - nay, to all of mankind - to stop the cycle of lame before it gets out of control? Or am I overstepping my bounds?

You can see this is an important issue to me, Reader.

Deep down, I feel like it would be better if I didn't give people courtesy laughs. But I know that unless I could get more people on board with me about this issue, it wouldn't make much difference. As long as there are enough people out there who are just throwing out courtesy laughs like melted candy at the 4th of July parade, my efforts will make little impact on the world. It's a discouraging thought.

But still, Reader, I think I have an obligation to try. If EVERYBODY simply said, "Little ol' me won't make no difference," we'd have quite a problem on our hands. First off, there'd be a lot of people using terrible grammar. And second, nothing would ever get accomplished.

So this is a call to arms! The next time somebody makes what they think is a joke, stand your ground! Resist the urge to be kind and give them a courtesy laugh. It may seem cruel, but these are measures we have to take. Think of all the good you'll be doing for the future! Think of the children! Together, we can end the destructive forces of courtesy laughs in this country, and someday, the world! They may take our laughter, but they may never take our freedom!

Oh, come on, Reader. No laugh for that one? That was funny. That was totally funny.