Reader, I kid you not. My life is in peril. The largest mosquito in the history of the planet just tried to eat me. It flew away before I could kill it, and now it's just waiting... somewhere... biding its time until it attacks again. But I won't fall victim again, Reader. Next time, I'll be ready. Next time, I shall have my revenge.
I know what you're thinking, Reader. "You are such a NERD." Well, I happen to know that N.E.R.D. stands for Not Even Remotely Dorky, so I thank you.
By the way, you know those plastic-covered paper clips? I hate those.
Bailey and I were watching the Olympics last night. She said how it was too bad Michael Phelps was peaking so early in life - if he gets even the tiniest bit slower as he gets older, even if he's still competing well, all people will say is how good he USED to be. I said that I bet he'll still dominate for a long time. In fact, I bet that he'll be the first person to win 100 Olympic medals. She just stared blankly at me. "100?" "Yeah. He got 8 last time, six gold and two bronze. And he's going for 8 more this year." "Yeah, but he'd have to compete in 10 Olympics, and he'd still only get 80." "Not if he takes up winter sports. He could start curling!" She rolled her eyes at me.
You know those slide puzzle games? I have always sucked at those. I mean, really sucked. It's kinda pathetic, actually. Well, I have a little digital one on my desktop at work and every now and then when I need a break I'll play around with it. The other day I finished it in 48 seconds! Go team! Well, not so much "team" as "me." Go me!
Sometimes, when I encounter stuff that I find amusing (awkward situations, random things people say, etc.), I put them in a folder on my email or text it to myself so I can use them in a story later. But then by the time I look at them later they're often a bit confusing. For example, I just read this little gem: "I've been doing a lot of Ethel Murman mixed with Katharine Hepburn lately."
I don't like to hang up the phone when I'm done talking to people. Instead I always push in the little button to disconnect and then wait a minute before I actually hang up the headset. I don't know why.
Why is it that no Mexican restaurant has realized the greatness of the crunchy chicken taco? I made some for dinner last night, and they are wonderful. But unless you want to make a special order and annoy the waitstaff just enough to spit in your food, you just can't get them when you go out. Just once I'd like to be able to order chicken tacos at a restaurant and not get some soggy, under-stuffed soft-shell disaster.
My elbow itches. I bet it was that blasted mosquito.
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