... About the Awful, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

About three o'clock this morning I woke up with a sharp twitchy pain in my inner left elbow. Crazy muscle spasm! Unfortunately, these things wake me up fairly often, but they're usually behind my knee. Until this morning, I never would have thought I'd say this, but I'd take one of the knee spasms any day. Those hurt like hell. This hurt like hell but with the added bonus prize of getting stabbed in the inside of your elbow with a hot stick and then having it twisted around.

As I writhed about on my bed, clutching my arm and gasping, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Shunt! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Pisscrap! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Damnit! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Insert Your Favorite Swear Here) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!!!," I realized that this was probably not going to be my best day.

I didn't ever really get back to sleep. As you know, Reader, I'm a tad bit violent when I'm sleeping. I toss and turn and flop and krump and throw pillows and wrap my blanket around me in knots. Every time I started to doze off, I'd inevitably shift position somehow, and every single one of these movements sent a shockwave of pain through my sore arm that woke me right back up again. It actually caused some muscle injury: it was twelve hours ago, and I'm still all sore and I can't straighten out my arm all the way. Even just picking up the phone is an exercise in my creativity.

At lunch today, they gave me a Coke when I had clearly ordered a Dr. Pepper. I was contemplating taking it back when the tomato from my sandwich squeezed out and landed smack-dab on my white shirt. Sigh. Luckily, I remembered that a while ago I bought one of those Tide pens. I opened up the glove box and tada! There it was! So I popped off the lid and was vigoriously rubbing it on the stain when all the sudden an overwhelming odor struck my nostrils.

Here's a hint, Reader: If you buy one of those Tide pen things, don't leave it in your car and forget about it until you need it. The heat will chemically alter the stain-fighting ingredients to smell very strongly like vomit. Unfortunately, I had already rubbed it on my little tomato stain. So I smell like puke for the rest of the day.

And the stain didn't come out. Shunt!

Here's to tomorrow.