Take a gander outside, Reader. The leaves are almost gone, there's a crisp chill in the air, passersby are bundling up in scarves and sweaters. You know what that means: it's time for you to start thinking about what you're going to buy me for Christmas-slash-birthday!
It's a wonderful time of year.
But you know what's even MORE wonderful about it? I know, I know, it's hard to conceptualize anything better than hunting for my perfect Christmas-slash-birthday present. Except maybe hunting for my perfect Christmas-slash-birthday presents. But really, Reader, there's something else we can all look forward to.
In just 36 short hours, this damn election will finally be over.
Sheesh, I thought this day would never come. I'm sick to death of the attack ads, I'm sick of the angry opinion-slinging, I'm sick of the news coverage that reports the same nothing over and over and over and over again. I'm sick of the magazines with their oh-so-insightful opinion headlines about why Obama won't win because he's black, or why McCain won't win because he's old. I'm sick of the billboards trying to get me to vote for some guy for city councilman just because he was stupid enough to slap a twenty-foot high picture of himself wearing a football helmet over the highway.
Don't get me wrong, Reader. I'm a fan of democracy. I'm all for elections and freedom of choice and all that hooey. What I am not a fan of is being sandblasted with all the worthlessness for the past two years. I don't CARE if Obama's former minister is a jackass. I don't CARE if Palin's teenage daughter is pregnant.
I don't CARE if SuperDell.
I think it's one of the biggest faults of our electoral system that they allow campaigning to begin so long before the election. Maybe if these people running for office had to actually focus on their jobs as senators and governors a bit more and left the campaigning until just MONTHS before the election instead of YEARS, there wouldn't be time for such mudslinging nonsense and the American public could actually get a bit more information on the nominees' political stances.
It actually makes me miss the days of high school politics. The kids running for Junior Class Secretary or Student Body Vice President stuck to the issues. They were direct with their point. Their campaign slogans were things like, "Eric For VP - No Battle!" or "Vote for Whitney - the Guy with the Girl's Name". I was sitting in The Commons one time when a kid walked up to me and asked for me to vote for him.
"I'm running for President," he said. "It's easy to remember because it rhymes with my name."
"Your name is Brandon," I reminded him.
"Yeah."
"That doesn't rhyme."
"No, but now you won't forget it, will you?" he quipped.
Well played, Brandon. Well played. McCain and Obama could learn a thing or two from you.
So tomorrow, I'll head over to the public library and stand in line to cast my vote. I'll gather with fellow Americans who have had to sort through all the garbage to figure out which candidate they believe will be best for the country. I'll take part in this election because it is my right and my privilege as a citizen of this great nation. I'll stand proud as I add my voice to the millions that are speaking out for democracy and freedom. 'Cause I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free, with purple mountains majesty from sea to shining sea.
Wow, that's AWESOME of me. Keep how awesome I am in mind when you're shopping for my Christmas-slash-birthday presents.
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